Things that make you go hmmm

someone said something really hurtful to me today. and it really bothered me. i’m not going into the details but i believe it can be summed up to me be being an arrogant, stereotypical american. concordantly, the verbiage “so Bush” was used to illustrate my actions.

this really hurt me.

i think it did for several reasons. firstly, this is the second time this person publicly belittled my actions, pointing out my glaring ignorance and other shortcomings for all to see. i didn’t think that was the way you pointed out the mistakes, if you believe them to be, of people you care about. if a child does something stupid, do you yell and scream at him in front of everyone, publicly humiliating him or do you pull him aside and reprimand him privately explaining the error of his ways?

secondly and i think maybe more importantly it hurt me because of who he is. i have always looked up to this person, his strength of character, choice of career and educational aspirations have always inspired me. i have always tried to emulate these things in my own life but have never quite measured up. i spent a lot of my childhood with my grandparents, he was the apple of their eyes, and though he wasn’t the oldest, most of his siblings often went to him for advice. how could i not see him as the definitive role model. so to have this person say this kinda stuff really does bother me.

additionally what if he is right? did i deserve this public chastisement? have i become this stereotypical, arrogant, empty, ignorant, childish jackass? am i really bothered, not by how he said what he said, but by the truth of what he said?

because of who he is, i would be inclined to believe him to be right but i don’t know. i'll need to think about this.

lots o’ other stuff going on. really can't bring myself to write at this point.